Eddie's Football Blog

A bizarre look at the world of football, since 2008

A Face I’d Like To Smack – El Hadji Diouf

Posted by eddiev18 on February 22, 2009

Before I get started on ‘Mr. Hack Up A Greenie And Spit It At A Fan’, I would like to introduce the wonderfully accurate ‘Lee Bowyer Smackablomator’, which will be used from now on in this series to grade a player’s smackability out of five. The mere presence of one Lee Bowyer is bad enough, but to score five a player really has to earn it. He must have severe all-round twatability, and the sort of face you pray to God your children don’t end up posessing.

Ok, so on to one of the Premier League’s most highly decorated pieces of shit – El Hadji Diouf. Patrick Hennessey emailed in to nominate Diouf, and here’s why:

‘El-Hadji gets my goat – and my vote. When he’s not gobbing at the opposition, the overrated/underperforming bench warmer is kicking off with his own team mates. His surname sounds similar to the noise made when my fist connects to his temple – Diouf.’

I’m sure that the above assesment strikes a chord with most of you. The truth of it all is that Diouf got a bit too big for his boots when he sealed his move to Liverpool, and his arrogance skyrocketed. Soon he was diving, kicking people, and spitting at players and fans alike. You would have thought that leaving Liverpool to spend four years as a hate-figure at Bolton would have damaged his pride a bit, and bought him down to earth.

You would’ve thought wrong. He’s still an utter prick and, if that’s bad enough, imagine being Mrs Diouf. She has to wake up next to this snarling, saliva-propelling mess every morning. Bullet dodged ladies, bullet dodged.

leebowyerrating4

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