Eddie's Football Blog

A bizarre look at the world of football, since 2008

A Face I’d Like To Smack – Didier Drogba

Posted by eddiev18 on September 13, 2009

‘A Face I’d Like To Smack’ is back and, if you are a fan of any team that has played Chelsea in the last five years, then you are most likely to have vented a torrent of expletives in the direction of today’s subject at some point.

Now I must first emphasise that I am aware of Didier Drogba’s size. Even though he has a peculiar penchant for throwing himself theatrically to the floor when an opponent merely brushes past him, he is a massive bloke who could eat a little blogger like myself for breakfast. Therefore, of course, the opinions below are those of a ‘friend’, and I personally think that the Ivorian is a delight, with a face that is not in any way annoying. I repeat, a delight.

My ‘friend’, however, thinks otherwise. Here’s why:

“I’ll concede that Drogba’s face is expressive. However, that is in no way meant as a compliment because, unfortunately for poor Didier (and anyone who happens to be within visable distance of him), each of those expressions is more blackboard-scrapingly annoying than the last.

You have the patronising ‘wide-eyed finger wag’, normally reserved for any linesman who dares to claim that he is in an offside position. Then there’s the ‘scream of agony’ face, which goes hand in hand with the ‘shot-by-a-sniper’ dive. You’ve also got the ‘arrogant pout’, accompanied by some form of chest thump, finger pointing, or knee slide – the interpreation of which appears to be ‘I’m the man! You know I’m the man, don’t you?’. This generally precedes some form of excruciatingly cringeable goal celebration with Soloman Kalou and Michael Essien – the sole purpose of which appears to be to remind us that they are all from Africa. Great.

There are way more though and, as I said, they just keep getting worse. For Drogba ‘smackable face gold’, just re-watch his outrage when Chelsea lost to Barcelona in last season’s Champions League – let’s call that one the ‘whining bitch’ face.

I really hate that man’s mug. Do you know what, I hate it more than I hate seeing a traffic warden standing over my car when I’ve only been gone five minutes. It’s that bad.”

That is bad. However, if that rant isn’t enough evidence to justify Drogba’s inclusion in this series, where Bellamy and Diouf have walked before him, have a look at the below and make up your own mind…

Drogba

…oh, and here’s the Barcelona clip, expertly remixed to focus on what was referred to above as a ‘whining bitch’ face.

No sir, you’re a fucking disgrace.

It appears that emotions have got in the way of the task at hand (the rating of Didier Drogba’s smackability), once again highlighting the need to make use of our very own Richter Scale of smackability, ‘The Lee Bowyer Smackablomator’. The result is unsurprising…

LeeBowyerRating5

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2 Responses to “A Face I’d Like To Smack – Didier Drogba”

  1. Lex said

    Eddie

    Lovely stuff.

    Can we book in Emmanual ‘Ad-a-pay-rise for a future appearance?

    He’s getting more and more smackable by the day.

    Lex

  2. eddiev18 said

    Indeed Lex, indeed we can. He’s made it as far as the Not-In-Any-Way-Motivational Posters this week already!

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