Eddie's Football Blog

A bizarre look at the world of football, since 2008

Royal Wedding snub provokes Darren Bent Twitter outburst

Posted by eddiev18 on April 29, 2011

Bent: Gutted

England striker Darren Bent has reacted furiously to the news that he and his Aston Villa team-mates were not on the guest list for today’s Royal Wedding.

Based on the assumption that they were invited because HRH is a Villa fan, the Midlands club appears to have made a serious gaffe by sending their entire 25-man Premier League squad down to London – only to be turned away by security.

In an angry tirade on Twitter, Bent stormed: “Da prinze moved da weddin to Sat, so he cud watch us play, innit. If we dat importand to you bruv, den why all da hate at da royal gates?”

Modern language expert, Cynthia Waghorn translates: “The gripe of Mr. Bent and his Aston Villa team mates is centred around the claim that the Prince moved the wedding to Friday in order to free up Saturday afternoon – thereby enabling him to enjoy his team’s crucial derby with West Brom over a few beers. The players clearly feel that if Villa are that important to HRH, then he should have allowed them to join the festivities at the palace.”

This afternoon Aston Villa reiterated their suprise on the club’s official website: “It’s all a bit strange, isn’t it? I mean, Guy Ritchie was fucking invited for Christ’s sake!”

A spokesman from Clarence House confirmed: “Let’s not make any excuses here. Like most Villa fans, the Prince is more than fucked off about how shit the players have been this season. The last thing he wanted to do was be seen rewarding them for the utter pile of donkey manure they have been serving up on a weekly basis this campaign.

“On a more serious note though, Scotland Yard had also intercepted texts between Ashley Young and Stephen Ireland about how much they’d love to roast those Spencer girls, and we can’t have that sort of thing going on at the palace – even though they are obviously very fit and I definitely would.”

In a bizarre twist, it seems that Brad Friedel did make it into the ceremony after security mistook him for another celebrity on the guest list – American screen legend John Malkovich. In a recent Tweet from inside the palace, the Villa stopper told the world: “Incredible scenes, and almost definitely the only time in the history of man that being bald and aeging has resulted in something so positive.”

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