Eddie's Football Blog

A bizarre look at the world of football, since 2008

Ancelotti: Look, I was being sarcastic, ok?!

Posted by eddiev18 on May 10, 2011

Ancelotti: Sarky fucker

Carlo Ancelotti revealed today that he only does his weird raised-eyebrow-thing when he’s being sarcastic, and he obviously didn’t want to sign Fernando Torres or sack Ray Wilkins.

A very obvious disintigration of squad harmony scuppered Chelsea’s challenge for trophies this season, and two key moments stand out – the sacking of popular assistant coach Wilkins, and the decision to spend the equivalent of a Euro Millions jackpot on a striker who can’t score goals and looks like he wants to have a good cry.

Ancelotti holds his hands up: “Abramovich asked me if the players and I liked Ray, so I raised my eyebrow and said ‘No, he’s a fucking bell-end, and we all wish he had SARS’, but I was obviously being sarcastic.

“It was the same with Fernando Torres. The owner called me into his office to tell me his plan to get rid of Drogba at the end of the season, and asked whether Torres would be a decent replacement. Sarcastically I replied: ‘Sure, he’s been moping around for over a year now like some little girl who’s had her skipping rope stolen, but fuck it, why not spank £50 million on him anyway?’. I honestly thought that he’d understood the joke.”

Annoying football pundit Garth Crooks had this to say: “To be honest, this fills in a lot of the blanks. I realised something odd was going on when I interviewed Carlo after Ashley Cole had shot that work placement kid with an air rifle. Carlo said that Ashley was ‘sorry’ and ‘disappointed with himself’ but, now I remember it, Carlo’s eyebrow was definitely raised for the duration of the interview.”

One of Ancelotti’s former players, Gennaro Gattuso, also backs the Italian’s sarcasm claim: “After I behaved like a complete fuckwit in our Champions League game with Spurs, Carlo actually defended me. He called me a ‘good man’. Would a ‘good man’ have just spent 90 minutes trying to get the opposition sent off, before nutting their assistant manager on the way home? Even if you miss the eyebrow raise, you’ve got to be a fucking moron not to see the sarcasm in that.”

Ancelotti, now wearing a balaclava, maintains that it really was just a big misunderstanding with his owner: “I can promise you that I’m not making this up to protect my integrity and cover up yet another example of Abramovich undermining a Chelsea manager.

I also refute the claim that I’m just wearing this balaclava to hide my eyebrows. My face is cold, ok?”

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