Eddie's Football Blog

A bizarre look at the world of football, since 2008

‘When does football just fucking stop?’ sob women

Posted by eddiev18 on May 24, 2011

Women: Upset

Women all over the country have been left shocked by the news that the end of the football season simply kick-starts a summer of transfer gossip – which their men still find more entertaining than that nice French film.

“What the fuck?!” said one woman who was promised Saturday afternoon tea at the Ritz nine months ago, “Monday 23rd May has been circled in glitterpen with a little smiley face since last August and, when it finally gets here, he spends all day on an internet messageboard speculating on whether Joe Cole has signed a pre-contract with QPR. I’m fucking livid.”

Another sobbing girlfriend wailed: “I feel such a fool for thinking it was all over. I organised a romantic dinner to celebrate the return of our relationship, but when we sat down all Darren could talk about was some striker from the French second division.”

However, lads mag editor Bob Tuppins can’t understand the problem, and thinks the transfer window is something women should learn to embrace.

“Look, women love a bit of shopping don’t they? All they’ve got to do is change their mindset slightly, and recognise the transfer window for what it is – one big, fancy shopping spree.”

Turning to a female reporter, Tuppins continued: “Look babe, you know that Dior handbag you’ve always wanted? Well, that’s Sergio Aguero – everyone wants him. Thing is though, you’re not going to just buy the most expensive bag you see are you?

“Nah, you’ll shop around a bit – maybe find a bag from an up-and-coming designer that’s half the price. It could be a classic in years to come, right? Well, that’s like United picking up Javier Hernandez for 6 million.

“Finally you’ve got a transfer haul containing Phil Neville, Emile Heskey and Carlton Cole. Tell me, have you ever picked up a 3-pack of briefs for your fella at Tesco?”

Foxi Spalding – another disgruntled girlfriend – disagrees: “So I’m supposed to get together with my girlfriends to watch Sylvain Distin talk about his free transfer to Fulham?

“How the hell is that better than buying a coffee with a name that makes no sense, before spanking £400 on a pair of shoes that I probably won’t wear because my ankles look fat?

“Men are so weird.”

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