Eddie's Football Blog

A bizarre look at the world of football, since 2008

Posts Tagged ‘Stoke’

Lawrenson set to talk about Liverpool in every interview this season

Posted by eddiev18 on August 17, 2011

Lawro: Like chaperoning Ann Widdecombe

The BBC confirmed today that Alan Shearer and Gary Lineker have bet fellow pundit Mark Lawrenson that he won’t be able do a single interview this season without mentioning Liverpool at least once.

The two ex-England strikers made the wager after hearing the news that the BBC had received a record number of complaints last weekend when football fans – excited about the start of the new season – tuned in to BBC One, only to be reminded that they would have to share the highs and lows of the next nine months with the insufferable Scouse moron.

Tony Grimshaw, a Wolves fan, raged: “I got so pumped up for the new season that I’d totally forgotten about what a massive tool he is. Honestly, it’s like being invited to a party at the Playboy mansion subject to the previso that you’ll take Anne Widdecombe with you.”

Supporters are so fed up that they have decided to form an action group that will ask the BBC to justify Lawrenson’s employment. Kevin Franks, the man behind it all says that enough is enough:

“I’m pretty sure that lengthy analysis of Liverpool’s title aspirations with an old mate, followed by a brief and lazy dismissal of any other team not in the top four isn’t really in the spirit of a supposedly non-biased public broadcaster.

“The fact that he still thinks his shit puns are funny after so many years of no one laughing is almost as amazing as the BBC’s inability to prevent a discussion about Bolton’s midfield from veering off on to a wank-fest over Luis Suarez.”

Gary Lineker confirmed: “He’s an utter nightmare to control. One minute we’re discussing Tony Pulis’ defensive organisation against Chelsea, and the next we’re back on to why Lawro thinks Andy Carroll is better than Sergio Aguero.

“Alan and I are hoping that the bet might force him into taking an interest in a few other clubs, but we’re not holding out any hope. At the cafeteria this morning he challenged the dinner lady to find him a better young English prospect than Jordan Henderson.

“She’d only asked him whether he wanted fried bread with his bacon.”

Lawrenson has since defended himself: “I don’t really understand what all the fuss is about – I talk about other clubs all the time.

“In fact, I was doing an interview with Martin Jol just this morning, and I told him what I told the Fulham fans – you’re not going to achieve anything this season so you should probably just give up now. I said the same to Tony Pulis last week.

“I mean that winger they’ve got is useless. They should have signed Stewart Downing – what a buy that is for Liverpool. With Henderson feeding him out wide, Suarez with a little bit of movement, Carroll with the…

“Oh… right… ”

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Premier League Predictions – 21st November

Posted by eddiev18 on November 21, 2009

Meg: Predicts a good lie-in for us all on Sunday

Ding ding, round two! So with four out of six outcomes correctly predicted so far, let’s see how I get on with Sunday’s fixtures:

Blackburn vs Bolton

This week, Sky’s two course ‘Super-Sunday’ is more of a quick bite down the greasy spoon than dinner at the Savoy, and if Iā€™m to continue the analogy, I guess this fixture is the starter. A rubbish prawn cocktail if you like.

It’s likely to be a proper mud-slinger of a match, with more aerial balls than a game of American football. I also expect the commentator to frequently remind us that [insert attacking team’s name here] are ‘a threat from set pieces’, because that’s generally all they can get excited about when two teams with no interest in playing any football come up against each other.

Sleeping is almost certainly going to be more interesting than this one, so why not treat yourself to a lie-in? Just think, you may even have a dream about Megan Fox*… and do you really want to miss out on that for the sake of Blackburn vs Bolton?!

Verdict: 0-0

Stoke City vs Portsmouth

If this game is the main course, then think of it as the disappointing roast dinner you at at that pub you’ve never been back to. Cold, hard roast potatoes, slimy Yorkshire puddings, and fatty slices of cheap beef.

Mind you, unlike your starter, there will be one or two edible things on the plate to keep it from being a total disappointment. Expect Kevin Prince-Boateng and Jamie O’Hara to be the honey roasted parsnips and minted peas of this affair.

I don’t think that will be enough to save this ‘dish’ though. With a doubt surrounding medical experiment and Ivory Coast forward Aruna Dindane, Pompey will struggle to break down a resolute Stoke defence. As a result, The Potters will be in no rush to break away from their horribly unattractive and defensive style of play, and the game will suffer due to very little open football.

Verdict: 1-0

Tottenham vs Wigan

Re-scheduled to 3pm on Sunday due to Steve Bruce’s penchant for bringing South Americans to the Premier League a few years back, Sky will be kicking themselves that they aren’t serving this one up to their viewers. In stark contrast to the Boltons, Blackburns and Stokes of this world, both these teams play attractive, open football.

‘Appy ‘Arry Redknapp will be pleased to see his t’riffic winger Aaron Lennon returning to the Spurs side after a spell on the sidelines, as this should add an extra bit of zip to the right hand side. In Lennon’s absence, David Bentley demonstrated that he’s probably more interested in signing up bands for his bar on the Costa Del Sol than playing football. Oh well, England will just have to find itself another new ‘DB7’.

Wigan’s ability to deal with Lennon will be the deciding factor in this match. If they do, then they have the likes of Rodallega and N’Zogbia to exploit the space that Tottenham always leave for their opposition.

However, after a game on Wednesday and a long flight back from Honduras, Maynor Figueroa has his work cut out to contain Lennon. As so often is the case at White Hart Lane, Spurs will attempt to harness their home support and come flying out of the blocks, looking to put the game to bed before the opposition have a chance to impose themselves.

I can see this happening tomorrow.

Verdict: 4-1

* See what I did there?! After my Transformers-heavy MS Paint Story Of The Week the other day, I just thought I’d tell you what the most popular Robots-In-Disguise-based search term used to get to my site has been. And the winner is… ‘Megan Fox Naked’.

Who says the internet isn’t primarily for porn, eh?

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